Trash of the Titans - Release the Krap in 3D!

I've been thinking for a while of how to summarise this bad remake of a bad movie (that's not a double negative by the way) and then, the most talented man on TV, Sir Dr. Stephen T. Colbert D.F.A., summarised it perfectly: "they made this film in 2D and then transformed it into 3D but, here's the clever part, all the characters stay 1D". Another bad film "starring" Sam Worthington. It is official, he is the new Christian Bale (like the world needed another one!). The torch seems to have been passed (or maybe the disease spread...) and another "leading" man who apparently can act (Sam won praise for his early roles, apparently) is now stinking up the screen like a piece of wet wood. The paper the script was written on should have stayed as trees, much like Terminator Salvation (where the infection happened) and even Avatar (overly long, poorly scripted, acted and directed and an offence to have it mentioned on the same list as The Hurt Locker). The disease even affects genuine actors around them like Liam Neeson and Sigourney Weaver who seem paralysed by the black hole sucking all ability out of the shot. Expect more years ahead of lifeless movies with Sam (and/or Christian) cast as the "hero". Please put me out of my misery and let me look into Medusa's eyes (the one part of the story that was authentic to the myth!)...

Note to Gordon Brown - Don't Play A Spin Master At His Own Game!

This has been a really interesting marketing day and the General Election hasn't even been called yet!  The Labour Party announced the winner of a competition for a new billboard campaign, which is "Dave" Cameron sitting on an Audi Quattro with the slogan "Don't let him take Britain back to the 1980s".  Now granted, this does bear a little similarity to Marty McFly in Back to the Future but it is of course it is comparing Cameron to the most liked and coolest character on British TV, Gene Hunt, at a time when the final series of Ashes to Ashes is just about to start.  With Dave himself knowing a thing or two about spin, and having just re-appointed the geniuses behind the Demon Eyes, the Conservatives have already hit back with the same image but with a better and cooler slogan, "Fire up the Quattro.  It's time for change.":

This ad is now going out on the same 11 digital billboards as the Labour one, so there will be 22 images of Dave Cameron as the most loved person on TV.  I'd already asked the question how badly the Labour Party wants to lose this election but this is pure suicide!  Mark my previously written words, there will be no hung parliament, Cameron will win with a decent majority (and that's not my political preference, my ideal would be a Lib Dem - Conservative alliance to bring in real change, just calling it as it will be).

Spanish LFC April Fool's Story Sucks In Imaginary Sports Reporters

Firstly, the story in question is based around quotes in the Spanish newspaper Marca, with quotes from Albert Riera that his negotiations have stalled with Spartak Moscow and he wants to now stay with Liverpool until the summer. The first part sounds reasonable, but having called Liverpool a "sinking ship", allegedly hit a reserve player and criticised Benitez last week, would you really then say "my intention is to decide my future in the summer [snip] I want to continue my career at Liverpool because it is one of the best clubs in the world".  Slight contradiction there but he continues, "The feeling is spectacular, we have a great stadium and I feel very good at Liverpool.  I speak with Fernando Torres and (Jose) Reina and agree on the greatness of Liverpool".  Seriously, this is what got past the news desks at Sky Sports, The Metro, ESPN and The Telegraph on April Fool's Day?  Sigh...


However there is an interesting point about the final two "news sources".  Yes, everyone is simply re-printing the "quotes" directly from Marca, but The Telegraph have lost a lot of staff in recent times and according to Private Eye, they run agency copy for sports pieces and (have previously) attribute imaginary names to the piece.  This story is apparently written by 'Telegraph Staff' and end with "Benitez has not forgiven Riera, worried about his World Cup chances, for so publicly trying to manufacture a move at a crucial time of the season by misrepresenting his relationship with him".  That sounds awfully like the way ESPN's 'Soccernet Staff' concluded their piece which was "The Reds boss has not forgiven Riera, worried about his World Cup chances, for so publicly trying to manufacture a move at a crucial time of the season by misrepresenting his relationship with him".  It seems The Telegraph are not the only ones using agency copy and publishing it as pieces 'written' by their 'staff'.

Help Find A Missing Girl: Laura Palmer. Posters All Around London

I've just passed a phonebox with a picture of an attractive young girl who went missing some time ago.  Unfortunately I was in a cab and couldn't take a picture of the phonebox near Whitehall but some kind soul (normko) has already done so in Hammersmith.  If you know anything at all about Laura Palmer I urge you to share that information with the world.  I certainly will...

Who Said It Couldn't Snow Again?!

Maybe it'll be a happy and snowy birthday for you Mike...
Either way, have a wonderful birthday,
from...

(Almost) 10 Years of Bedroom-based Broadband Browsing

Apparently today is the 10th anniversary of Broadband in the UK, specifically for just one man.  He managed to convince NTL install his cable connection whilst they were still un-going extra test.  The rest of us had to wait a few more months and it was in June '00 that we had our lovely ADSL connection turned on by BT as one of the first flats to do so in Edinburgh.  What do I remember the most about that first day? Surprisingly there was so little out there that needed a fast connection it was hard to find things to download to stretch our new capabilities. So we did what any would do with a new media, we went off to the dark side of the 'net and looked up the videos of people's early careers...

Don't Opt-Out of Junk Text Messages from Real Numbers!

This may seem a bizarre piece of advice but (as always) bear with me (grrr).  It seems a recent trend is spammers acquiring a load of sim cards and texting out some drivel such as " FREEMSG: Our records indicate you may be entitled to 3750 pounds for an accident you had.  To claim for free reply with YES to this msg.  To opt out text STOP".  My one (despite my mobile being registered with the TPF) on arrived from +44 7515... which is a real mobile phone number. The temptation is to "opt out" so you don't receive any costly text messages.  Of course, as I didn't sign up for them, I know I'm safe and quite confident my mobile provider will be able to verify that.  The interesting thing is as it's come from a normal mobile number they are not trying to charge you anything, they are just looking for mobile numbers that are real.  So replying with STOP (or heaven forbid YES!) will mean they've found someone they can send more crap to.  Just think the very early days of email spam where clicking on the 'un-subscribe' link just verified you email address as real.  Best option, do nothing!

Mensa UK Are Stupid and Unobservant!

Bold statement, can I back it up?  Yes.  Each week Mensa publish their free puzzle and it's usually not too difficult.  The number-based one usually take a few seconds, the word-based ones a little bit longer (and vice versa for a former colleague of mine who shall remain Charlie, I mean nameless).  So let's take a look at this week's puzzle...
"You have £5.84 in change and it's made up of four different denominations of coins, the largest being 50p. You have exactly the same number of each coin.  Which coins do you have and how many of each coin?"
Now you may think that's a good puzzle, it should keep you going for a little bit.  That's true.  The answer will apparently be revealed next week (29th), also fine.  I want to know why they decided to put some stock images of British coins to brighten up the web page...?

Jon Stewart's Moment of Zen Is Sheer Heaven!

Jon Stewart is incredible.  Great host of the Oscars (mostly the second time that no-one watched), star of the latter series of The Larry Sanders Show and of course anchor for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.  Last week they ended the show with their Moment of Xen which was a local news piece about the flooding in New Jersey and how these tough guys can't get across the street without a dingy.  Click on the clip but be warned, I had to pause it whilst watching because I was laughing so hard!  What a great way to start last week.

Topping this great observation, Jon ended the week by going full-speed at Glenn Beck and managed to draw some pretty unbelievable conclusions.  Now I'm sure to a lot of people the name Glenn Beck won't mean anything, to others he will always be the guy who sang Hi Ho Silver Lining or sister of the singer of First Time, First Kiss.  However anyone who has seen any non-fictional American TV will realise that Glenn has his own TV and radio show were he puts out, erm, fiction!  Well, to be technically accurate, his show is a right wing op-ed piece that spouts numerous conspiracy theories against the left / centre and how America is under seige.  Each show seems to have Glenn getting maniac and questioning whether he is the only crazy one (yes) or in fact is he the only sane one (definitely not).  He also has a penchant for getting tearful, pressing his fingers against his lips and saying "I'm sorry, I just love my country, and I fear for it".  You are well advised to watch Jon best Glenn at madness and brilliant reasoning.  Thanks Jon for being a shinning light from across the pond!

[Sadly although More4 screens The Daily Show here in the UK we can't watch the clips directly on The Daily Show's website.  Instead we have to go to Channel 4's VOD section which is only up for a week :(  Hurry hurry!]

I Love You I Love You Phillip Morris!

Nine months I've been waiting for this baby!  Okay that's the opening to a whole other post by a whole other person (and probably whole other sex too)...  But seriously, I naively believed that an independent film that stars Jim Carrey (big name but he does the odd independent such as Yes Man) and co-stars hometown hero Ewan McGregor (whose films are sometimes introduced by his mum if he has scheduling conflicts) would definitely be part of last year's EIFF.  Nope.  But it would be out soon after that though, it's going to be a big film!  How wrong I was.  Most of Europe got a release date by conservative Britain still did not have an announced distributor.  Finally, at very short notice, I Love You Phillip Morris has a release date which has now arrived and the title says it all!  I love you I Love You Phillip Morris!  In case you have no idea what this film is about, basically Jim Carrey is gay and goes to gaol (or jail as it is set in Texas) and falls in love with his one true love, Ewan McGregor.  It's funny, has a great plot, based on a real story, good acting and is very fresh.  So why has it taken so long to be released and why are the US only getting it for the start of May on a very limited release?   Could it have anything to do with Ewan and Jim making out with each other, plus a couple of gay sex scenes (one that is relatively graphic)?  Nah, that can't be the reason for Liberal America...  I'm actually a little surprised there hasn't been a mini-whinge about it here by the usual suspects.  Oh well, I don't care because I've seen it and it's fabulous and you should do the same darlings...!