Sex Sells... Unfortunately I Just Point Out Advert Copy-Cats!

I had a lovely time at the Taste festival in Edinburgh and wandered around savouring all the culinary delights (and good jazz band).  That is until I see an arty picture of a (possibly) naked woman with the line "Sex Sells..." underneath and I rush away from human contact to take a picture of it like some for of soft-core pervert.  Of course, a little explanation later that I was passing USC the day before and saw the exact same advert in their shop window partially justified my trigger-happy camera action.  The next day I passed USC again (as if I was drawn to it...!) and snapped the same image so you can judge for yourself.  Is it lazy advertising or has an agency re-used or copied other work?  Either way it's quite surprising that hip fashion shop USC and cool bar Cargo both have less racy adverts than M&S!

4.3.2.1. And British Cinema Plumbs Depths Below Alice Creed

So the worst three "films" I have seen this year are all British (well, English).  That's a very sad commentary on the state of UK cinema give the resurgence during the early 21st Century.  Trash of the Titans at least earned a score worthy of distracting me when I have nothing else to do (perhaps sitting on a long haul flight and can't sleep, although the last time that was the case, Quantum of Solace quickly sent me to sleep with its incessant talking and minimal action).  Then came a film I scratched my car to go and see, The Disappearance of Alice Creed.  For sometime I hoped the "director" would disappear from his apparent day job and maybe do something useful to the world instead.  The film was written and acted as if being performed by group of A Level students who aren't even top of their class in a mid-city school not known for its art courses.  Something would have to be pretty bad to beat the "5 out of 10 - don't watch it even if it is free" score of Alice Creed.

And then came Noel Clarke and 4.3.2.1. a film which would be considered offensive and childish if it was actually made by GCSE girls with attitude problems.  I assume the title really refers to the number of weeks they spent on different aspects of the film, such as the combined number of weeks spent in acting classes by the cast (4 weeks), the time spent watching other films to copy their original directing tools (3 weeks as the subtitles in Rent Lola Rent can be complicated if you are not used to good films), writing the "dialogue" (2 weeks and that included a 10 day holiday), and they amount of time this film should have been in production (rounded up to the nearest full week, 1).

This is the first 4 out of 10 film in a while (since last year's festival actually and the apparently brilliant Dario Argento's appalling Giallo) which translates as zero stars and means walk out (or don't let someone drag you in in the first place).  I cannot overstate just how poor this film is for a "mainstream" release.  There is absolutely nothing good about it and if you consider modern covers of good songs as a redeemable aspect of a film then I'm afraid you are as mis-guided as Noel Clarke.  The only saving grace is that is it is still some levels above the worst film of all time (also British), The Great Ecstasy of Robert Carmichael.  A message to Noel Clarke:  You like borrowing ideas and full stops?  Let me remind you of the telegram in Blackadder Goes Forth and ask you to "please STOP"

I'm Cured! Well, Diagnosed & It's Not A Negative Brain Scan...

Yes, I have had a brain scan before and yes it came back negative (insert your own lame gag here).  Since I was a teenager I had the idea of a 'teardrop formula' that described the relationship between genius and insanity.  The higher you go up the intelligence / creativity scale (vertical axis) the thinner the gap between sanity (left half of the 'tear') and madness (right half).  Low and behold, scientists have confirmed teenage me was right!  In short they report that "creativity is akin to insanity" and through brain scans they have found that "both highly creative people and those with schizophrenia lack important receptors used to filter and direct thought".  This allows "creative people manage to see unusual connections ... that other people miss".  Do I make unusual connections?  Hell yes!  Just yesterday I was telling a good friend to pray to Ra that we have In case he didn't know who Ra was I reminded him that his mother is quite famous too...

Is M&S Following Ann Summer's Marketing Strategy A Perfect Fit?

Cheeky sexy images are a key part of Ann Summer's marketing strategy but is it really the right idea for good ol' Marks & Spencer to try the same thing?  Maybe it's just me, but I'm not entirely comfortable with the word play in this advert, shown both in-store and online:

That said, they do have a long way to go before they hit the "heights" of Ann Summer's.  Take a look at their 'red hot sale' advert on the main shopping street in Edinburgh a couple of years ago and tell me if that is too far...  I assume that the official line is that it is a match bursting into flames.

How Much Is That Complementary Drink In The Window?

Ladies...  So starts the advert in the window of The Kilted Pig, a lovely bar & restaurant in Edinburgh.  To celebrated the launch of Sex And The City 2, plus the Bank Holiday Weekend, they are having a special Ladies Night with secret hidden costs!  Don't believe me, take a closer look at the (sub-) text...

"8.45pm Complimentary Cosmopolitan Cocktail on arrival

9.00pm Hot buffet served with complementary glass of prosecco"

I'm sure the prosecco does complement the hot buffet but how much does the drink cost?  I assume it is not free otherwise you would have written complimentary as your did for the Cosmo cocktail...  Maybe 'complimentary and complementary' would have take up too much space...

NB:  Thanks go out to an elderly gentleman who first alerted me to (whilst complaining to me) this issue as Sainsbury's Mint Sauce incorrectly had "compliments lamb" written on the back.  Well, unless the mint sauce could actually talk in which case 68p would be an absolute bargain!

Guy Running Edinburgh Marathon In Fancy Dress Is Not The Real Looney!

As a wonderful friend of mine bids to do battle around Edinburgh yet again in the Edinburgh Marathon, there is a guy who is hoping for a record number of people to turn up including one attempting to break the world record for running it in fancy dress!  What a looney!  Oh wait, he's not?  That would be the Marketing Director of the Edinburgh Marathon...  Why?  He is actually called Mr Looney?!  No?  Phew, what a relief!  Oh, he's called Mr O'Looney (not much better really!)...  Maybe the future he should exploit his surname a bit more as he is in Marketing after all...!  Good luck Mike, I wish you were running it as The King on his Ostrich!  Next year... :)

Sitting Near Number 10, Unaware Of My Dream Coming True...

I've just been apologised to by a great friend. We have been sitting around the corner from Number 10 and Westminister, completely unaware of the momentus happenings going on - The first coalition Government since WWII (OMG!)!  And I was (almost) there...  Still, let's look back to what I wrote back on 3rd April, namely "my ideal would be a Lib Dem - Conservative alliance to bring in real change".  Clearly dreams can come true, let's see how accurate I was in a year's time...

I Took On The Internet, And I Won! I Was Right Sounds So Good...

Yes, this is purely a self congratulatory post (I'm allowed one ever year...).  I wonder what happens if you Google "Toy Story 3 UK Premiere" (either on Google UK or the real Google.com)...  Well, as it's happening in Edinburgh I see The Scotsman in position 7, then STV in 5th, Edinburgh Guide in a respectable 4th, naturally the BBC make it in the top 3, Yahoo Movies is number 2 but at number 1 is *still* my exclusive reporting last year!  For the best reviews of the Edinburgh International Film Festival (EIFF 2010) or the Edinburgh Fringe 2010, your first choice should be this site.  And the irony is for the first time ever I am happy being referred to as a number...

Edinburgh Is A Dry City, No Drinking Please...

Murrayfield is the inverse of all other stadia in the UK, they do not want you taking alcohol *out* of the stadium rather than in...

C'mon You Wonderful Wigan Warriors!

The real magic of The Magic Weekend starts now as league leaders (and my special side) the Wigan Warriors kick-off at Murrayfield...