Someone's Car Needs Somebody...

This car needs somebody, but ideally not a Police Officer...

How I Decorate The Table For A Chinese Takeaway

I know what you are thinking, but the only person I am trying to impress tonight is me! So no change there then... Still, it beats putting older roses straight in the bin!

Fire Safety Can Be Practical Too

Are you frustrated with a large fire resistant door that auto-closes and a sign reading 'Fire Door Keep Closed' that just doesn't look cool when opened and potentially puts your customers at risk? Then why not wedge it open with a matching fire extinguisher? Remember, fire kills but subverting fire saftey can look stylish...

The New And Original Bulmers Is Berry Good

The real Bulmers (known as Magners in the UK, read why here) has a great new flavour out in Ireland called Berry. It's made of raspberries and strawberries, plus apples of course. Strangely though the Irish haven't experienced the Golden Draft slightly sweeter less tart version we have.

Is Hanging (In A Modern Art Galley) Too Good For Me?

I guess that's the question ever self-obsessed egotist has to ask, is my art hanging in the National Gallery of Ireland too good for me? Probably not. So here is my first entry, currently hanging in the Moderns exhibit celebrating modern art. It's simply called 'Future'.

Where Is Gate 8 In Edinburgh Airport?

Short answer, it doesn't exist! For some bizarre unknown reason, Edinburgh Airport does not have a gate numbered 8. It has a 13 which is usually a superstitious number but as you can see from this picture, it goes Gate 7 then 9 (and the other side of the building is Security checkpoints. In all seriousness I emailed them asking why but no one has ever bothered to reply... Can anyone think of a good reason to omit Gate 8?

I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Badge...

I don't really like discussing the potential thorny issue of football online, it's too emotive.  Politics and religion are fine, but football is more important than them...  Anyway, Torres has calmly said he has only ever been an Atletico Madrid fan and that he's never kissed the Liverpool badge.  Fair enough, sound logic, if only the guys over the pond at Bleacher Report hadn't posted this video capture of you kissing the famous badge it would have been believable...

Image linked from Bleacher Report.com

In Sports Reporting, Britons Win And Scots Lose

I have a Scottish friend who is thrilled that Andy Murray has made it through to his third Grand Slam final as he has a real chance of winning it for the first time.  But he's not such a huge tennis fan so why all the excitement?  Rumour has it that Andy Murray is a Scot, although official he is described as "Britain's Andy Murray".  So we know which country he technically belongs to in Tennis terms, but is he actually a Scot or a Briton?  Looking at the BBC's coverage it clearly said that "The Briton, seeded fifth, won" and made it through to the final.  Case closed, the Briton won!  But then again, what about his earlier games and any reflections on how he got on in last year's final?  Just 10 days earlier it seems Andy Murray is "The Scot, who lost to Roger Federer in the 2010 final".  So if it's about his stellar performances and victories he is a Briton, but if we are talking about loses or opponents giving up injured he is a Scot.  No sub-text to be read there, is there BBC?  I guess in the battle between national identities in sport, all's fair in 'love' and war...

A Menu Photo Is Only A Serving Suggestion... WTF!

Me: is that burger the one that comes with onion rings on? Either way can I get onion rings on it please?

Bar Zero9 in Bristol International Airport manager helping his staff out as it's busy: No sir, we don't do onion rings.

Me (smiling in ironic amusement): You know your menu has a photo of onion rings on your burger?

Bar Zero9 manager: Yes sir, that's just as it normally is, a serving suggestion.

Me (internally): What the F--k! I'm supposed to buy me meal in an eat-in only bar and take it home and add onion rings? Or am I supposed to smuggle some freshly fried battered onion rings through security to add them to this misleadingly advertised burger? It's not worth educating him, just go and take your pint of Amstel back to your table and you can blog about it to make you feel better.

There Aren't Plenty More Fish (Trophies) In The Sea This Year

Alas, it had to come to pass that Scotland was no longer the best place in the UK for fish & chips.  After the Townhead Café in Biggar won the title of 2007 Fish & Chip Shop of the Year (announced January 2008), it has been a one country race.  The following year the Anstruther Fish Bar in, erm, Anstruther (Fife) carried the torch on winning 2008 Fish & Chip Shop of the Year, then we head west as Atlantic Fast Food in Coatbridge (Glasgow) is crowned (the realigned title of) 2010 Fish & Chip Shop of the Year.  Three glorious victories in a row!  Back to present day and despite the best efforts of Doms Chip Shop in Thornton (Fife), who won Best in Scotland but never made it into the top three places UK-wide, it's a Yorkshire chippy that takes the title back to England as Fish and Chips at 149 takes the 2011 trophy to Bridlington, Yorkshire.  Oh well, I still haven't made it to Coatbridge for last year's winner yet so maybe I should do that before next year's winner gets announced...